The unbearable depression of being (a mediocre)

All my years from adolescence to adulthood, I thought I was more than a mediocre. I convinced myself every day every hour that someday sometime I will find something I will excel at. Now at the cusp of 30, I’ve realized that there is nothing really that I do well. As Kurt Cobain said, ‘I am worse at what I do best’. Unlike Kurt, I do-not really feel blessed for this gift. So what all did I try…

books – kafka, marquez, murakami, joyce all put me to 8 hours of blissful sleep. I’ve failed to grasp what/why they were trying to convey. Personally, the different literary techniques (stream of consciousness, symbolism, magic realism) are all symptoms of thought disorder.

computers – Pablo Picasso said, “Computers are useless. They can only give answers”. I don’t even know what questions to ask. The only times when query results have made me happy were the results from ‘youporn’ :-). All computer programs I’ve written so far either crashed or gave the three letter word ‘NAN’ (not a number) as output. The only saving grace — my company still has not fired me, but that might change soon.

geography – Someone asked me the location of Burkina Faso and I told him it was a country in south africa (well i got the continent right!)

gmat – After reading 10000 blogs of past/current MBA students, I thought an MBA might help me to improve my personal and professional skills and to shape my career to the best of my potential (not that I have much potential). I decided to give the GMAT. The score I got — LBS, HBS, GSB, INSEAD would not even piss at me.

history/current affairs – I thought I was good at military history, until I started watching history channel. Everytime I pick up ‘The Economist’, I feel depressed. I cannot comprehend that I am living on the same planet as people in Darfur, Chechnya or Bhutan. But what do I do? Eat like a pig and sleep like a baby.

philosophy – Objectivism, subjectivism, existentialism, nihilism, rationalism, empiricism all sound the same to me. I wonder if Nietzsche, Kierkegaard, Sartre, Poincare were inhabitants of another planet.

music – I can not tell the difference b/w beethoven’s fourth and mozart’s fourth or the difference b/w a clarinet and flute acoustics. The only time now I listen to music is when I do not want to talk to my boss.

science – Even after reading the idiot’s guide to Einstein, the Theory of Relativity sounds greek to me. Every time, I look at Boltzmann transport equation, I wonder if I even have minuscule amounts of the matter people call brain.

sex – The organs are about to decay due to lack of any stimulation. Did I mention I come from the land of kamasutra? I’ve more sex in my brain than in my groins.

six pack – Even my mirror is ashamed to reflect my one pack. I should have listened to Payton Manning….mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the fattest dog of them all?

sports – The teams I play volleyball for are at the bottom of their leagues and of course, I’m part of the reason (rather I’m the reason). I still cannot swim in waters with depth more than 5 feet (I’m six feet tall). Adventure sports – I piss in my pants every-time I think about whitewater rafting, skydiving or bungee jumping.

socialising – I do not drink, dance or date. Girls prefer at least six hundred feets between me and them. Unless the world is shrinking or starts shrinking, the probability of reducing the proximity remains close to zero. Socialising as of now is restricted to watching office space every friday night.

stocks – Investors in the sub-prime market should look at my portfolio to stroke their ego.

So, what am I doing in life? But what is life? According to a friend of mine, life is an incurable sexually transmitted disease. So I guess all I am doing is living the disease.

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One Response to “The unbearable depression of being (a mediocre)”

  1. Sander Says:

    There is no dark side of the moon really. Matter of fact its all dark.

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